Sunrise

Sooooo, there is this dilemma; one that is fraught with many opinions and emotions, one that might make or break the future, one that I’m nervous to even acknowledge. 

I went through a really hard year last year. It continued for more than half of this year as well. The situation tried my very soul to the core. There are really no words to describe it.

However, there was this tiny little stream of sunshine that came at a point where I had washed my hands of relationships. It wasn’t overpowering, but it was there. It teased me. It made me wonder if it could actually start looking up. It made me want it to.

But as with everything in life, it was complicated. Life became happy and simple to me, but I knew it would be hard to understand for everyone else. My thoughts turned once again to dreams that had been shattered, and plans that were thrown out the window. It seemed surreal to me that I even considered it! I was boycotting that kind of life! I swore I wouldn’t be in that position again!

 

But here I am…..and I’m happy to be here….It feels different this time…safer, I think.

 

A dear friend of mine says that’s how God works. Just when you are about to completely throw in the towel; he gives you just enough to keep you going. (A part of me thinks that’s a little mean, but I get the purpose of it ha ha.) So I’m going to embrace it. And perhaps it may just turn out perfect in the end. I have a feeling that it might.

 

Stay tuned……

Change In Full Circle

Have you ever been through something that is so emotionally challenging, so physically demanding, so mentally exhausting, and so completely life altering that you feel you must adapt or literally shrivel up and die?
I've recently been through such an event, and quite honestly I find myself starring in the mirror at a totally different person. It leads me to wonder if such change is necessary in our lives so we can move forward, or if we are forced to change because of the situation and it's purely for survival. The more I contemplate and wonder, the more it starts to feel like the age-old adage of which came first-the chicken or the egg. Have I found this place of residence because I truly was destined or it? Or was this my coping mechanism that has now become my life?
Never in my life did I think I would be considering and thinking about the things I find myself drawn to right now. Never in my life did I believe I would need to. But here I am.
As I pondered all of this chaos in my head, I found something that put my thoughts to rest for now:

During my first semester of college, I had a class for my major that required us to make different goals and study them. We also studied the different goals of our families. Long story short, for one assignment we were asked to basically write a "mission statement" (for lack of a better term) that described us personally.

This is mine:

As a continuing student, changing woman,
Eternal daughter, and loyal friend;
I pledge to strive for my goals & always reach high;
To stand for what I believe in.
I will become someone worth mentioning,
I can make a difference to someone.
I thrive when others wilt.

When I found this I couldn't believe how much it still rang true to me. I'm sure at face value it probably doesn't mean much to the average person. But I am a words person. So each of those words holds a lot of meaning to me. I don't remember agonizing over my statement, it sort of just came. However, I am surprised at how much it still means to me.

So I guess after all this questioning and wondering, the answer I'm content to live with at the moment is this: We inevitably change throughout this life-sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Regardless of the reasoning behind the change, it is possible to always find your initial truth somewhere deep down inside. And after re-examining mine, I realized that everything I have done up to this point in time, has struck parallel to that which I pledged. The change has come full circle.

Okay

I AM ME

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.

Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine

Because I alone chose it--I own everything about me;

My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,

Whether they be to others or to myself-I own my fantasies,

My dreams, my hopes, my fears--I own all my triumphs and 

Successes, all my failures and mistakes--Because I own all of 

Me. I can become intimately acquainted with me--By so doing

I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts--I know

There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other

Aspects that I do not know -But as long as I am 

Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously

And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzle

And for ways to find out more about me-However I 

Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever

I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically

me-If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought
And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is
Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that
Which I discarded--I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive,
And to make sense and order out of the world of
People and things outside of me--I own me, and therefore
I can engineer me--I am me and
I AM OKAY

Me & Micquellyn

So, my best friend Micquellyn recently left on her mission and it was definitely a bittersweet moment. Don't get me wrong-missions are great. But still hard for the people who are at home. It's taken me a couple weeks to even want to post about it. However, she's doing SO good! And she is so happy. Which leads me to think that it'd definitely for the best. There's also been multiple blessings that have come from her doing something so "grown up" first. :)

The reasons for this post stem mainly from the fact that I had my first "I need Micquellyn and she's not here!" moment about a week ago. For those of you that don't know, Micquellyn and I became friends in high school. But we both tend to have these venting sessions-especially to each other. We call each other up and yell about something we're annoyed at, and then poof! We feel better. Sooo...............I was having one of those moments and wished she was here. I had to settle for an old voicemail I had saved from her--which wasn't quite the same but still good.

Tight White

I was going to just post something about Christmas and New Years. But I couldn't let my little white Acura Integra rest in peace without a little tribute.

This car was the first car I ever bought.
This car was the first car I drove for more than 20 minutes.
This car survived my first fender bender.
There were lots of radio rock outs in this car.
There were many many lunch trips to Jubilee and Stephs in this car.
I kissed my first high school boyfriend in this car.
This car was the victim of a doughnut massacre in high school and survived all the frosting and sprinkles. :)
I hauled three kids in this car a few times.
I packed for my first move in this car.
I did my makeup in this car.
I braved snow storms in this car.
I talked with friends in this car.
I was asked to my first dance through this car.
I sang at the top of my lungs in this car.
And I was in this car when a double trailored semi-truck ran me off the road and totaled it.

There really are no words except...

crash...

screech...

thud...

So, rest in peace tight white.

I will miss you.

Halloween & A Brand New Baby

Happy Birthday Baby Jake Rocky (my sister settled for Rocky as his middle name. We were all rooting for it as his first name) Infanger!!!
On November 2nd we welcomed this little baby BOY into the world. He is just so so cute!! We love him already. :) Babies are just to die for aren't they?
We think this baby looks a little more like our family than my brother-in-laws. It's about time too!!

Proud big sister! She's so good with him and she loves holding him. I think she's going to be a big help to her mom.

Aw! I was so happy to get to see him right after he was born. I had to get a quick picture.

When my sister called at about midnight and said she was in labor, my sister Kailey and I jumped in the car and headed for Idaho. We stayed with the girls until they woke up, and boy were they surprised to see US there instead of their mom and dad! When we told them they had a new baby brother though they were so excited they could hardly wait to go see him. Sierra kept tickling Kailey to wake her up so we could leave. :)

On to HaLLoWeEn.....

I had to post this picture of the pumpkin I carved for Halloween. I'm just a baby bit proud of it because it really did take quite some time. I was pretty excited when I finished. :)

This halloween turned out to be a good one. I helped Kailey get dressed up (as a Tootsie Roll) and then got to carve my pumpkin and watch Hocus Pocus, which is probably the only Halloween movie I really like. A trip to Taggart's for dinner made the night complete! Now that's my kind of Halloween!

So Much To Say, So Little Time

Lately I just haven't had time for a blog update. So there's lots of random things to talk about. :)

First, I want to give a well deserved shout-out to my Micquellyn. She ran the Ragnar Relay this last weekend and she did such an amazing job! I wanted to be at the finish line cheering her on but sadly that didn't happen. So....this is my little tribute to her to say she's such an awesome girl and I love her to death! I'm proud to call her my best friend. :)

Next, I want to wish all of my older sisters a very HaPPy BiRtHdAy this month!! We are lucky enough to celebrate a birthday on the 22nd, 26th, 28th, and 31st of October! So happy birthday girls--I love you all and I can't imagine life without each and every one of you!

Soooo, I was recently called to be the 2nd counselor in the relief society...definitely unexpected and a little intimidating. But I'm actually excited about it. This will be my first non-music related calling since leaving young women's. So if anyone has great enrichment/relief society ideas--please feel free to pass them along. I'd be oh so grateful. :)

Does anyone have any super amazing fun Halloween ideas? Halloween is probably my least favorite holiday so I'm having trouble trying to decide how to spend this one.... We have a group of people but we're still trying to nail down a good plan.

Last but not least, I need a shoe solution in a desperate way! My love for shoes has now spilled out of my closet. I need a better system. Any ideas?? This is the current situation....



Well, that's the latest and greatest. I may or may not have some good stories to come. Watch for them. :)

Lust :-*

It has recently been brought to my attention (by my sister) that I am guilty of committing one of the ever so infamous, 7 Deadly Sins...

I----lust after things very often. Once I decide I want something, I find myself looking at it over and over and over. Or thinking about it over and over and over. I've lusted after things for days, weeks, months, and even years. Apparently it's a weakness of mine. What could possibly cause so much thought and provocation? Here are just a few...

#1-PerfectSkin by the Kardashian sisters--I'm kind of OCD about my face anyway. New skincare products call to me sometimes..

#2- A black Acura TL--I've wanted a new car for over a year now..and this is the one I REALLY want.

#3-All ten seasons of Friends--It's one of my very favorite shows and I have most of the seasons but not all of them. It's annoying. #4-Nude colored high heels--This picture is awful but her shoes are exactly what I want!

#5-A cream colored sweater dress--I don't know why I don't have one. I love sweaters. And I love dresses. Idk....

#6-As long as I'm lusting after things....an Aston Martin Convertible is definitely on my list.

: ) I would really want the maroonish purple color but I couldn't find a picture.

I could add two more pictures here, but I don't think they're really blog appropriate. (At least not yet :) Micquellyn, I'm pretty sure you know the two I would add. ;)

Yes, lust is one of the 7 deadly sins, but I have yet to die from it. ;) And on the up side, at least I know what I really want right? When I DO get one of these things that I research, look up, or find out about, I feel SO accomplished and so excited! It cures my shopping fix for at least a month. :) And I'm happy for weeks. So I ask you, is this really so bad?

Re-Vamp and Catch Up

Because it's been so long since I've posted anything I thought a catch up post was definitely necessary. So, summary of the last 4 months....?

Lots of workouts. Destry's dinner theatre. Mock interview #1. Piano lessons. Babysat. Pageant coaching session. Premiere of Iron Man 2. Started dating a boy. Judged a Little Miss pageant. Scoured Ogden Layton and Salt Lake for shoes. Mock interview #2. Little Miss Day of Service. Babysat. Micquellyn's marathon. A facial. CFSSA orientation. Destry's Choir Concert. Changed single's wards. Mock interview #3. Make-A-Wish radio interview. More babysitting. More working out. Lots of eyelash extensions. Raised money for the Children's Miracle Network. Miss Utah sleepover. MY BIRTHDAY. Hair appointment. Nail appointment. MISS UTAH WEEK. Stopped dating that boy. Acrylic nail appointment. Trip to New Mexico for my cousin's wedding. Met with a modeling agency. Babysat....some more. Eyelash extensions. Dyed my hair. Micquellyn came home! Wedding reception with a friend. Got a calling. Had a fun weekend with the fam!! Got a GREAT phonecall!

There's the update as of yesterday.

As for now, I'm getting ready to start school and wondering when my next vacation is!!! :)

Watch for pics and more posts VeRy soon!

Easter and B-Days!!!

So I know it's a little after the fact but here's a bunch of fun pics from Easter! All my sisters were here (minus Kailey) and we celebrated my dad's birthday at the same time so everyone could be a part of it. The little girls were just so darn cute! We couldn't get enough. :) What better way to celbrate Easter!!!


I literally couldn't stop laughing at Sierra in this mask. I put it on and she thought it was SO funny too.

I LOVE these Reese's pieces candies! Woo hoo!

Sierra eating the whipped cream right off the beaters.... :)

We're making my dad's favorite treat for his birthday. Chocolate Cookie Dessert! It's always sooo hard to find the cookies for this stuff but it's always worth it.

Coloring at the kids' table!!

Happy Birthday Dad!!! What a cute family picture!

Hadyn is pretty excited about the dollar that was in one of her eggs :)

Kynlee was even more surprised/excited about the $5 in her egg!!! Her face was priceless. This is the aftermath shot. (She still looks pretty happy about it.)

Awwww!!! What adorable little girls!! They're all sitting on this little table watching Cinderella :)

I always love it when the family gets together. Thanks for coming everyone! Love you!

~Gown, Gala, Great Day~

So last Saturday I had the honor of attending the annual Make-A-Wish Gala. And not only did I get to attend, I actually got to play the piano for the program and during dinner. The Utah chapter of Make-A-Wish had it's 25th anniversary this year so they selected a special wish for each year. Mine was chosen for 2002! So they had a special tribute to me as well. It was such a great experience! I was so impressed with how generous people can be even though times are tough. I also met a few other previous wish kids, which was way fun. We bond instantly because of all we've been through. It's indescribable but so awesome. Anyway, here's a few pics!

I had to take my piano down to play on because the stage was small and the hotel wanted to charge a lot of money to use their's. There were probably 150 people there. Easily.

Me and My Dad :)

My wish granters! I didn't know they were going to be there and they didn't know I was going to be there. I was SO glad to see them though! I'll never forget these guys.

My dessert....It was so delicious I had to take a picture... :)

Apparently I couldn't make it to the bathroom to wash my face and take out my hair. Just toooo tired after such an eventful day.

~Love lOvE LoVe~

Whenever I think of February, I always think of Valentine's Day! And I wanted to take a minute to wish everyone that I haven't already, a Happy Valentine's Day :) A few weeks ago I was in the store with my mom and came across these valentines. I couldn't resist!! They were SO cool I just had to buy them. They unfold and turn into a basketball hoop with a ball!! We've found that foil candy wrappers make a better ball though, hence the blue one in the picture. I handed them out to everyone I could and even mailed a few. Who says you can't give valentine's at the age of 19?!? Obviously not me. :) For all of you who didn't get one I'm sorry so here's a picture and consider yourself included.

I forgot how much fun it is to give out valentines. It just put me into a "love" mood all month long. (which is probably why I think it's still okay to post this) So I love you all and hope you've had a fabulous month. And if you haven't told your loved ones you love them-take the opportunity and do it! IF NOT NOW, WHEN? Maybe these pictures will inspire you :) To all my friends and family members...I Love You!!

Great Day!!

I just want to take a second and say what a GrEaT day it's been today. Sometimes they don't come around very often so I'm making it a point to document this one. I don't know why it was so great exactly but it just was. Here's the quick download of how it went.

-Wore a cute outfit to school

-Got lots of treats in school

-My whole class got an extension for a 8-10 page paper

-Finished a week-long presentation today and it went great!!

-Talked to my best friend Micquellyn

-Heard an old favorite song on the radio

-Took a nap

-Watched my favorite shows (which were recorded because I never have time to watch them)

-Made a fabulous lunch

-Still feel the burn from the new workout I did yesterday

-Got a letter :)

My weekend's looking fabulous and it hasn't even really started yet!!!! Bring on the fun!!

Oh and by the way, Micquellyn I never tagged anyone for my 25 random things. So you're officially tagged now. :)

~Tag Talk~

Well, it's back to school and back to reality. I feel like I've been working on me education forever! But I know it'll be worth it eventually.

Anyway, my best friend Amy tagged me quite a while ago and I just didn't have time to actually do it. SO.....there's never a time like the present. :)

Here's the RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 1 person to tag.

1. I absolutely love chocolate. (I know it's really cliche to say but it's SO true)
2. I have a huge weakness for shoes. I think I own close to 50 pairs....
3. The morning is the worst time of day. No one should even have to see a clock before 9 or 10.
4. When I wake up I crave treats for breakfast (cookies, candy, chocolate...)
5. A day without playing the piano is very rare. And I like it that way.
6. Playing with my nieces and nephew is like heaven on earth. I love the funny things they say.
7. My dream is to be an adoption agent. I can't think of anything better than to make families.
8. I roll my eyes A LOT. Half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it.
9. I like being girly and getting all dressed up. :)
10. I love to read! Especially a good romance novel by a fireplace
11. A good steak is priceless. (What can i say, my dad's a cattle rancher)
12. I hate the cold. The hotter the better.
13. I love the phrase, "Really right now?!"
14. My favorite color is PuRpLe (I even dyed my hair that color once)
15. I like to put chapstick on before I go to bed. (Burt's Bees is the best)
16. I'm a big Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice fan.
17. I really want to go to Australia or Paris one day. (or both :)
18. I always scrapbook my binders for school. It makes me much more excited to use them.
19. I'd really really like a new car.....I don't know when or how it'll happen but yeah.
20. Best friends are irreplacable!
21. I love doing crunches. I'd rather do hundreds than run a mile.
22. T.V. probably wastes too much of my time, but I just can't seem to quit. :)
23. I really like painting pottery
24. I LOVE washing my face after a long day. I can't go to sleep with my make-up on.
25. I hope to be Miss Utah someday!

Catching Up

It's about time for an update I think. So here goes. :) I finally have time to catch up because fall semester is over! Another semester down, about 3 more to go... Slow and steady wins the race though. :)

I'm most excited about the Christmas season!!! It is quite honestly my favorite time of year. There is nothing more warming than a spirit of giving in the air. I love that everyone wishes you Happy Holidays even when you don't know them. Every store clerk, every bank teller, all family members, it's a great thing! Last night, I went on a date to the Nutcracker Ballet! My family usually goes every year but this year I wasn't going to get to go. My date surprised me and that's where we ended up. I forget how fun it is to get lost in that story. If I wasn't in the Christmas mood before, I am now! In fact I decided to watch White Christmas with another friend tonight-you can't get much more Christmas Classic than that :) It's my other all-time favorite Christmas show! I've got all my shopping done except for a present for my mom. What do you get someone who has given you everything?! It's hard to know. :)

Christmas always reminds me of the things that I'm thankful for, which leads me to something else I wanted to post. I was really privileged to get to be in this news story for the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Utah. I have such a special place in my heart for this foundation because they touched my life forever. I couldn't be more grateful for the people that put this together and for everyone who granted my wish seven years ago. Here's the link-Enjoy!
http://www.abc4.com/content/news/slc/story/Power-of-a-Wish-seven-years-later/VQ8CnIVHLEK53_fvzG7mNw.cspx

Back To School....Sorta :)

Well, Fall semester is underway and I can't say that i'm totally excited but i'm glad to keep moving on destination diploma. I'm done with all my generals thankfully though, which means I have a lot more classes that I enjoy. I can't wait to move out again and be back in the swing of full college life. Ya can't hate it. :) It's been fun being home for the summer though. Especially with my sister planning her wedding and making lots of trips up here.
Anyway, i thought it was hi time for an update so I decided to just do a quick one. Hopefully I'll have some good pictures soon too. Happy Back To School Everyone!

CALIFORNIA BABY!!!!!

So, here's the scoop! Last weekend i went with my best friend Karlee and 7 boys to California. Yeah, need i say more?!? It was a total blast! I think it seriously was the funnest trip i've taken in a long time. We stayed on the beach and played in the ocean....ah..I LOVED it!! I have tons of pictures so it was hard to choose some but here's a few. :)

Here's the back seat crew! Blake Trevor and Karlee!!

Me and Brigham in the front! He's such a crazy-really with the bunny ears right now? :)

This is on Thursday night when we first started the road trip...

Aaand this is in Beaver on the tow truch after Brig's engine blew...yeah that happened! We had to be towed back to provo, then drive to Morgan, pick up a new car from Brig's house, sleep for 2 hours, and start over again! (Blake went on to Cali with the other car of guys so it was just us 4)

Round 2-me and brig in the front...

Karlee and Trev in the back. (Trevor's sleeping with the blanket over him)

We finally made it to the beach! Hurray!!! :)

After we finally got a HOT shower. We were happy. :)

Downtown Disney!!!!

On the ferris wheel at Huntington Beach Pier!

Me and Kar...and the pretty sunset. (It was much better in real life)

All the guys....well, being guys. :)

M&M Factory in Vegas on our way home. Look at all those M&Ms!! And look at that cute red one checkin me out :)

One last pic before we leave Vegas and end our trip! The Fab Five!!!